JudgeMental said:

David Hollis

Trump Demands Wind Turbine Genocide After Birds Start Dramatically Kirking Themselves Against His Tower
In yet another Truth Social manifesto that reads like it was dictated during a particularly spicy Big Mac session, President Donald J. Trump has officially declared war on every wind turbine in existence.

The reason? Apparently the giant spinning bird choppers are committing avian genocide, while the birds themselves have discovered a far classier way to go: full-speed kamikaze runs into the gleaming, reflective death trap that is Trump Tower.

It all started when the man himself glanced out one of his many floor-to-ceiling gold-trimmed windows and witnessed what he later described as “a total bird massacre happening right in front of my face—very tragic, very beautiful at the same time.”

A pigeon, then a sparrow, then what Trump swears was “a very patriotic bald eagle type bird” all slammed into the ultra-slick glass with the commitment of someone trying to join the Mile High Club through the wrong door.

Each impact left a tiny sad silhouette, like feathered crime-scene chalk outlines on the most expensive real estate in Manhattan.“These windmills are killing MILLIONS of birds—everyone knows it, the radical left just won’t admit it,” Trump posted, fingers probably still sticky from ketchup. “But now I see the truth with my own two perfect eyes. The birds are choosing to KIRK themselves against my building instead! They look at Trump Tower, they see perfection, luxury, class like nobody has ever seen, and they can’t take it. They go full suicide mode. That’s right—KIRKING. New word. I just invented it. Tremendous word.”

Environmental scientists have timidly tried to point out that window strikes kill hundreds of millions of birds every year while wind turbines are responsible for a rounding-error fraction of that number. Trump waved away the data like it was fake news written in Comic Sans.“Fake numbers. Sad! These so-called experts say my building is the problem? My building is the solution! The birds are honored to die here. They see the most spectacular reflection in history—gold, marble, class—and they think, ‘I want in!’ Next thing you know—BAM—feathers everywhere.

Beautiful tribute. Windmills? Those ugly, slow, Chinese death machines? Birds hate them. They’d rather become modern art on my façade than deal with those lazy pinwheels. Very simple.”

When an aide dared suggest that maybe, just maybe, some bird-safe window film could be applied (you know, for optics), Trump reportedly stared at the poor staffer like he’d suggested replacing the gold toilets with composting ones.“Film? On my windows? Are you kidding me? That would be like putting a paper bag over the Mona Lisa.

Disgraceful. Besides, the birds love me. They’re showing respect. It’s a compliment. Nobody has ever gotten a better compliment from birds. Not Obama, not Sleepy Joe, nobody.”

In the same breath he unveiled his bold new energy vision for America: execute every wind turbine, melt the blades down into commemorative MAGA Christmas tree toppers, and power the entire country exclusively on the hot air generated by his social media posts. As a compromise he offered to allow birds to continue kirking themselves against Trump properties only, because “they’ve earned it.”

Somewhere in Iowa a lone wind turbine keeps turning, quietly wondering how it became the villain in this story while a 58-story bird-magnet skyscraper gets a free pass.

Meanwhile another pigeon hits the glass with a soft, tragic thunk, as if whispering, “Worth it… totally worth it.”

LOLOL